Tomorrow is my 56th birthday. I'm not feeling it.

I love my birthday. I really appreciate my life and my birthday is a time to reflect on my blessings – also, presents! Cake! But this year, I didn’t get what I most wanted – Kamala Harris as the next president. I’m feeling sad, worried, and other emotions that aren’t very birthday-ish.

My husband and I usually take our birthdays off from work and do something fun. I'm not sure what to do, what will feel right -- but even though I don't feel very celebratory, I’m taking tomorrow off because I know this:

Emotional complexity is a powerhouse.

Especially now.

Sometimes I think about my emotions as big gelatinous bubbles. Some days fear is really big and the other emotions – love, compassion, calm, connection – are smaller bubbles, The fear pushes on them and crowds them into a corner where it’s hard for them to be heard.

I can’t banish fear, but I can make those other emotions bigger, so they can share the space with fear and other challenging emotions.

So I’m taking my birthday off and I invite you to celebrate with me. Do something that nurtures a positive feeling in you. Do it with intention, to add another feeling to your current emotional experience.

Here are some ideas:

Take a walk in nature

Breathe at the lake or ocean

Listen to music that is so beautiful you could cry

Visit your local art museum

Eat something ridiculously delicious

Read a book that is meaningful to you

Call a close friend

Spend time with your pets

Bake or cook

Build a birdhouse or a little free library

Volunteer at your local food pantry or other place helping humans

Do something good for someone else

If you’re having trouble feeling anything positive, don’t force it, but remind your body that it’s safe to feel these positive feelings. Your brain may tell you that we don’t have time for happiness, calm, or peace, now. Keep reminding yourself that we’re safer with emotional nuance, because connection calms our nervous system. We feel safer when we're connected to other people, nature, animals, and our values.

I wrote last week that worry can be clarifying and that might be true for you. There may be ways you want to take care of yourself, and things you want to do before inauguration day. But keep reminding yourself that you are more than your worry, and do things that let you feel love, compassion, care, joy, and all the other emotions that make up a good human life.

I enjoy playing video games with my family – Mario, Zelda, and the like – and in the underwater levels, there are often bubble fountains where you refill your oxygen, so you can keep swimming underwater. You make your way swimming from bubble fountain to bubble fountain.

When your brain tells you that you don’t have time for joy, love, peace, or calm, lovingly remind yourself that this is how we make it through – by nurturing the feelings that give us life as we keep swimming. ❤️

After the election, I had to compartmentalize a bit. I teach Wednesday night and was giving a workshop on Thursday morning -- on gratitude, of all things. Both turned out to be an enormous gift, as they reminded me that 1. One of the best ways to help yourself is by showing up for others; and 2. Connection is a warm bath for our nervous system. So after my workshop, I went to the microphone and recorded this for you. I hope it helps, even a little.

​Episode #127: How to Feel a Little Better, Now ​

Are you feeling bad since election day in the U.S.? I am. Or maybe there's a different reason you're feeling dysregulated -- disconnected, anxious, and wanting to stay in bed. In this episode, I share how intentional acts, like baking an apple cake, helped me calm my nervous system this week. Through my experience preparing a gratitude workshop I gave two days after election day, I learned that genuine gratitude can foster meaningful connection and stability, reminding us to notice "glimmers" -- small, positive moments -- that help us stay grounded in challenging times.

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With love & care,

Rachel

P.S. I wanted to send this in the morning, but my email program wasn't cooperating. It refused to save my changes and I lost hours of work. I was frustrated. But I refused to give up because I wanted to send this to you, so I found another way to make it work. Maybe this is a metaphor, maybe it's not, but I'm glad I didn't give up. I hope you are too.

P.P.S. If you accept my invitation to celebrate my birthday with me by nurturing some positive feelings, I'd love to hear how it goes. If you're struggling to think of something to do, try asking yourself, What is still good? and move closer to that. (Of course it's an open invitation -- you pick the day that's right for you.)

And if you need some support, reach out to me over email and I'll happily send you some loving words. Maybe I'll even make a podcast addressing your issue (anonymously, of course). If you want more support than that, reach out for a no-cost consultation to see if coaching is a good fit for you. Even if it's not, our hour together is sure to be helpful. Just hit reply to this email.

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