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Hello love,

Yesterday we celebrated my daughter’s college graduation.

Earlier that morning, a dear friend’s father passed away.

I have to take a breath to hold it all, the joy and the sorrow. I know they live right next to each other.

My father passed away the day after the birthday of one of my oldest & dearest friends. We chose that day to take him off life support because I didn’t want my friend’s birthday to also be the day of my father’s passing.

Years later, her father passed away on my birthday.

In 2021, my mother passed away on the birthday of this friend’s husband.

Another dear friend’s father passed away on my son’s birthday.

The Universe may be trying to tell me something.

Here’s what I see: The pain comes with the balm.

The hardest points of my life have come with friendship. The universe shows me time & time again that this is true. Grief and love. Absence and presence.

I wonder — is this true within me as well? Does the pain come bundled with the medicine?

I believe it does.

Aren’t the parts of yourself that you reject companions of the parts you most appreciate?

You hate yourself for over-sharing sometimes . . . . but have deep, real connections with your friends because you show your true self with openness & honesty.

You judge yourself for being indecisive . . . but see all sides of an issue and are the person your friends come to for a non-judgmental look at a situation.

You sometimes think you’re too much . . . . but live with passion and presence, and experience joy daily.

You wish you could be more comfortable in groups . . . .but you don’t miss a thing and are the person who notices when your friends are hurting and need support.

Seeing the connections lets us embrace our humanness in all its fullness.

When you feel terrible about some quality in yourself, look for how it connects to something you can treasure about yourself.

I tried this myself recently.

On the way back from England a few weeks ago, I enjoyed my time at the Heathrow airport.

Later I found myself judging myself for the things I bought.

Why did I spend so much money? That was impulsive. I should be more careful. Think of what else that money could have bought.

Remembering the medicine, I looked for how this connects to qualities I treasure in myself.

I love giving gifts. I'm generous. I put relationships first. I don't overthink expressions of love.

It really helped.

And I can still decide if I want to learn something from the experience. Maybe next time I'm in an airport I'll make a different decision. But I'll make that decision from a place of self-apprecation rather than self-judgment.

I know I don't need fixing. I can decide what generosity means to me and how airport shopping fits into it. :)

This week, when you catch yourself judging yourself, see how the thing you judge yourself for connects to something you like about yourself. If you can't see it right away, keep looking. I promise it's there. ❤️

We may or may not have the experience of someone accepting all of us. The good news is, we can foster a new relationship with such people -- our good ancestors. This is the topic of this week's podcast episode.

Episode #109: Good ancestors

Imagine knowing that there are people out there who are so happy when you succeed, who want only the best for you.

There are.

These are your good ancestors, and the best news is, you don't have to be biologically related to any of them.

And we too can be good ancestors to those who come after us.

This is a very different way of thinking than is usually encouraged in the United States, where I live. Thinking this way is a great way to tap into our power. Take a listen and let me know what resonates!

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Love, Rachel

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P.S. Learn how to accept your full humanness, rewrite the stories you tell about yourself, and handle life's ups & downs with equilibrium in my small group coaching program, The Year of You! Six weeks of life-changing teaching and coaching in community. We'll meet weekly on Zoom and in a private Facebook group. More information at https://www.coachingwithrachel.com/yearofyou. We start August 20.

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P.P.S. Your brain will tell you that you won't do the work, don't have the time, six weeks is too long, six weeks is too short. Of course! Your brain wants you to stay safe by keeping things the same! But you want something different. Believe in yourself and join us. ❤️

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