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This year for Thanksgiving, I made a vegetarian main dish. Just for me.

It was a bit of a breakthrough.

I mean, usually I just eat the sides, which are the best parts anyway.

But this year, I didn’t want just the sides. I wanted a main course.

And so, I made one. A Mushroom Wellington. If I had read the recipe before buying the ingredients, I might have balked. It’s not hard but it’s a bit fussy. I might have said, “It’s not worth it."

Thankfully, I didn’t.

To be clear about the moxie of this, there were only three of us at the table. It felt a bit excessive. A fussy recipe, just for me.

And you know why I did it?

Because I wanted it.

No other reason. Not because I would have otherwise been hungry. Not because I was hosting someone else. Not to support a small business.

I made the effort just for myself. Because I wanted it. Because I was tired of eating just the sides.

So often we think, “Because I want it,” is not reason enough. When my kids were young, I worked outside of the home because we needed the money – and we did, but also, I wanted to work outside the home. Now that they’re older, I leave them to go to conferences because it’s part of my job, but also – I want to (most of the time). Other moms might be saying that they chose to stay home with their kids because "my child really needed me," or saying no to conferences for the same reason, when the truth might just be: I wanted to stay home.

One of the simplest and most powerful coaching questions I ask is, “Do you want to?”

Sometimes clients are astounded that after so many decades, they never thought to ask. They often didn’t realize they could, that what they want matters. For no other reason. We're often so wrapped up in what others expect of us, what other people will think of us, and what we think we have to do, that we don't even stop to ask, What do I want?

Thanksgiving offers a chance to look back – What did you do because you wanted to and what did you do because you told yourself you had to? Are there things you want to do differently in the future? If you didn’t have to think about anyone else but yourself, what would you do?

And then you can decide whether you want to think about anyone else. Often we do, actually. And it helps to see that we do, that sometimes we want to be at home curled up with a book but also to be with our family, and we choose our family. It helps to see it as a choice we’re making rather than something we have to do.

But sometimes we see that what we want is to shake things up, to affirm that we don’t actually have to do something we really don’t want to do. Even if we’ve done it a certain way for decades. Even if we used to want it and realize that we don’t anymore. We can choose to listen to our inner knowing and give ourselves what we most want.

What’s your Mushroom Wellington, the thing that you want just because you want it? Maybe you feel called to something new. Maybe it feels a little ridiculous. Maybe you think you need a better reason than “I want to.”

But a life of authenticity starts by being honest about what we most want and being willing, if we choose, to speak it aloud. Without judgment. Because we want to.

This week, look for opportunities to ask yourself what you want. When someone asks you ("What sounds good for dinner?” or “What do you want to do on vacation?”) really check in and make sure you’re answering your truth and not just what you think you should say. Sometimes we want things that we can't have, and we have to feel all those feelings. But sometimes we want things that we can give ourselves, and first we have to let ourselves be honest about what we really want. Be gentle with yourself – it can take some time to start hearing our wants. Sometimes it takes years of eating sides to realize we want a main. ❤️

Asking what we want can feel risky, especially if we've been told that it's selfish to think about yourself in this way. Many of us were also told to be grateful for other people, but never for ourself. But being grateful to ourself for our part in the good things in our life is a powerful activity. That's the topic of this week's podcast.

​Episode #130: Be Grateful For Yourself​

n this Thanksgiving episode, I focus on a kind of gratitude we don't practice often -- self-gratitude. Being grateful for ourselves -- for our inner qualities and the choices we’ve made from those qualities -- transforms our relationship with ourselves. I explore how self-gratitude helps us honor our past, present, and future selves while pushing back against the voices that tell us that we can only be proud or grateful for our accomplishments.

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love, Rachel

P.S. As I mentioned in my last email, I've been feeling called to start some kind of community for people who want to nurture powerful positive feelings, to not let the news steal our joy, hope, compassion, or calm. Thank you to those who reached out with ideas and solidarity. I'll share here when I know more, so please share this with others who are of similar minds & hearts. They can sign up to receive their own love notes here

P.P.S. One-on-one coaching is the best way I know to hear your own inner wantings and to see clearly what it will take to get you there. I've got openings for 2025, so give yourself the gift of a no-cost consultation. Future you will be grateful. ❤️