Hanukkah starts in two days.

For my family, I mean. For most of the world, Hanukkah ended on Dec 15, but since my daughter was away at school, we moved Hanukkah. We'll celebrate with eight nights of special foods and presents.

Earlier this month, my son said something about "real Hanukkah" and I didn't know which he meant -- when the rest of the world was celebrating or when our family was celebrating.

He meant when we were celebrating.

Of course he did. Real Hanukkah is when we celebrate.

Real Hanukkah is a feeling, not a date on the calendar. It's so good to be reminded, because too often we use "real" against ourselves in ways that make us feel terrible.

We might say,

"My real family" -- meaning biological, even if they don't support us.

"My real job" -- meaning the one that gives us money, even if it doesn't have our heart.

We may think we're not a "real writer" because we haven't sold anything yet, or that we're not good enough to consider ourselves a "real musician."

To be real is to be genuine. Authentic. And we get to decide what is authentic, genuine, and real for us.

Maybe "real Christmas" is your annual celebration on the beach with dear friends in January. No snow required.

Maybe your "real job" is the novel you've been working on for a decade, while you pay the bills with your office job.

Maybe your "real family" are the people who love you most and with whom you can be fully yourself.

What's real for you?

Rather than deciding with your head, let your body answer.

What's authentic is that I don't want to go to that party.

What's genuine is the joy I feel when I'm painting.

What's real is the love I feel for my step-child.

Once we know what's real for us, we can decide what we want to do about it. We may still decide to go to "fake Christmas" or to our spouse's office party even though we don't enjoy it. But knowing what's real and naming it real is a beautiful gift to give ourselves at the holidays and all year round.

This week, notice if you let other people's opinions get in the way of what you know is true for yourself, or if you find yourself not seeing yourself as "real" in some way. When it happens, just notice it and see if you want to reassess. Lovingly remind yourself, I get to decide what is authentic, genuine, and real for me. ❤️

Seeing our own "realness" is one way to expand our tolerance for being human. That's the topic of this week's podcast and, indeed, of my work as a coach.

Episode #81: Self-tolerance

In this episode, I focus on increasing our tolerance for being human -- humans who make mistakes, are imperfect, and sometimes feel awful.

We think about tolerance as a societal value, something that helps us live peaceably in our diverse world. But self-tolerance is an important value too, one that helps us embrace our own inner diversity, our own humanity.

In this episode:

⭐ What is self-tolerance and how can it help?

⭐ How does self-tolerance help us and the larger world?

⭐ What are strategies for increasing our tolerance for our own imperfections?

⭐ How can I use humor to lighten the experience of being human?

Being more tolerant of our own humanness makes so much else possible -- We're more self-compassionate, better able to handle setbacks, and less self-critical. Take a listen and let me know what resonates!

Love, Rachel

P.S. This is my first email in a few weeks, after sending them weekly for quite awhile. So I made Episode #80 of my podcast about Consistency ("How to be more or less consistent"). Before that was episode #79 about Connection, and episode #78 about Generous Thinking. Together they make a lovely playlist to remind us of the true values of the season -- connection, kindness, and generosity of spirit. While we tend to think of these as values we give to others, they are also gifts we can powerfully give ourselves.

If you especially enjoy a particular episode, I'd be grateful if you would share it with others. My podcast grows through word of mouth and as it grows, so does self-love, kinder self-talk, and greater tolerance for our shared humanness. Thanks for your help!

⭐ I love being connected to you ⭐